have alot of stuff to write about and alot of time to do it. But I have alot I want to get done so I’m not going to waste time with a long introduction.
I finished reading catcher in the rye. I liked it. I don’t understand what the ending means“Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you will start missing everybody”
Everyone I have talked to about it hasn’t put much thought in it sadly. Could it mean that by confiding in people you will just get an emotional attachment. And when they are not around anymore you will miss them. This thought would fit into the natural cynical nature of Holden. But I still just don’t know, it feels too obvious.
Or could it mean that if you spend too much time telling people things confiding in them and what not then you will miss them. You will never be able to get to know them because you are too involved with yourself? That sounds accurate. But I can’t think of how that fits into the entire theme of the book when the first one does? I don’t know. I could look it up, but then it would never mean anything to me.
Once I finished “Catcher in the rye” I immediately went into Hear my tears the policeman said by Philip K Dick. And I’m really liking it. He also wrote “A scanner darkly” And “Do androids dream of electric sheep?”. I’d consider him one of my biggest influences for writing. I love his really surreal and dark look on science fiction. Who knows if I would've been able to come with the concept of “The perfect woman” if it wasn’t for “Do androids dream of electric sheep?”. But regardless I’m studying his style of writing. He has a fluidity to his third person that I have not been able to achieve, so I’ll keep studying his work. I do like though how much I’ve been able to add my voice, but it still feels like something is missing. But I can’t put my finger on it. It could have something to do with the fact I can never be satisfied with my writing.
I had something else I knew I was going to talk about but I got too distracted thinking of “Catcher in the rye” I hope I didn’t miss the point of the book.
Today when I was pulling out of the school parking lot sara was right across from me waiting to turn the other way. When we saw each other we both did a goofy thing with our hands. It was weird how naturally it happened. And we were both smiling.
Now the last time I wrote about her it appeared that I made some progress with how I felt and thought of her, at least I thought I did. But I did not. Even now I have an evil plan to get her. Well it is not evil and not a plan, but I’m fucking trying. I’m trying to think of a subtle way to get her thinking about me in a serious way. It can’t be in a way that she can easily blow off, something she is a master of. The sadie hawkins dance is coming up. I don’t have any delusions of her asking me. It would be completely irrational to think she would. I mean sure we have had a sudden increase in contact between the two of us. But if she wanted to asked me she would be talking to me alot more now that it is coming up. Its not that I want to go, I don’t want to go at all. I’d just hate for her to go with someone else. I don’t know who she would though? Maybe her homecoming date? Critical(and a little bit of wishful) thinking tells me that they would be done with each other. I mean they never went out. So that would tell me that they don't have anything for each other. That guy is a stupid looking tool. Shit bothers me.
For what I know she has had three guys in her life to some extent(unless you are counting random encounters. I would not know of any. But it is fair to assume it has happened). Me, Michael Newberry and her last homecoming date. None of which she has been in a relationship with. What does that tell me? She has commitment problems? I dunno.
I would love to keep writing but I need to start working on the perfect woman some. Also my hands are starting to hurt, I hope there is a way to fix this.
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