I think I might be wrong.

So last night I had my eyes set to kill, and my dick set to stun. I was ready to seal the deal! And it’s not like that is off the table, at least I don’t think so. But there is a lot more on this metaphorical table than I had realized. So last night, I wrote that journal entry. I was feeling all good about myself, thought I had the perfect plan! So I finish writing and then I went and smoked a bowl in the shower. This one was fatter than the ones I usually do. But I got really stoned finished my shower and went to my room for some good Ol Netflix. I saw that the endless summer was on it so I started watching that. It’s fun to watch people surf and the narrator was really funny, making it a win win? It could of been, but It had to keep on buffering. Eventually I got bored of waiting so I messaged her again. She was happy to talk to me. But then she said something I did not want to hear. “Ohh I’m wondering why my life is so terrible. Fuck! I have learned from experience this was not the road I wanted to travel down! It could get me stuck in the friend zone. And that is the last thing I want to have happen. Or it could mean she wants to date me. Something else I do not want. So I put my head into my pillow and said fuck. Fuck. So I just replied “Oh please.” I knew this would make her mad. But I figured if I made her mad she wouldn’t try that again and I could easily get her to forgive me next class. But then she said something that was saying I was such a great guy. It made me feel bad for a moment. I said “oh please” again. I was really trying my luck. This one got her mad, I don’t really remember what she said. So I told her she was also pretty great. I didn’t want to, but it was the only way to cut my loses. But I think she figured I was only trying to appease her. I quit responding at that point. But my plan is still a go. I’ll finish this tonight. I really need to start working on my math homework. I’m hoping to find time this class period to type of my review of Catherine.

uhhhhhh.....Drugs?

I have only a few things to write about so you would think this is going to be short? Well it will not be because I can talk about these topics for a long time. also digression.
So today while sitting in Mr. Mcavoys english class, spacing out with his lava lamp, I had an idea for the introduction of a Catherine review. This stems from the fact that I recently played through catherine and I feel like my previous review of it was not fair. So it has three potential introductions. I’m hoping on find a way to try and fuse them. Because all three have a different approach and are all entertaining or knowledgeable in a different way. I also wrote about why I love the gameplay and graphics with a brief plot synopsis. I want to also explain the moral system and add more things I didn’t like about it. That game really brings it out of me. So I plan on typing everything up tomorrow in lab.
Lately I have been fearful about all these writings. I feel like it would be a damn shame if something were to happen to them. Honestly, I think they will be entertaining to read on a rainy day. But since they are all digital/streamed I’m worried that something might happen to them. I wan’t to make sure I have access to them. I think the best thing to do would be save them to a hard drive. I’ve considered printing them out, but that seems kind of silly...And expensive.
I’m listening to the most wonderful piano solo
Peter Kater- summers innocence       
So umm yes, about the Taylor thing. I like have a plan, or something. If things go as I predict might happen, then yes. Let me explain.
Arriving at Forensics I was immediately greeted by a rather provocative looking Taylor. Talking with her and Anthony I found out something, layne recently started talking to her again. At first I was pissed! I thought all my work was ended and I was going to be stuck as just a regular friend, I don’t want that. But then I realized, he could potentially cover my escape. Hear me out.
So I need to be very progressive, I do not have time to wait. After having this realization I stepped my game up slightly. Only slightly though. Reason being? She has a thing for domination! That what I was able to deduce at least. The way she bosses us around. I think I remember her saying she likes being controlling. So my plan is to try and turn her on and let her act on it. Much cleaner that way I’d think. And then I can get out of any dating! Why? Because Layne can do that. I have to cement everything before they get any kind of serious. Now I know this is kind of selfish. But I don’t care. My plan is working  to well to care. She wants me over this weekend.
I mean she gets so close to me when we talk!
She also randomly gave me her number on facebook and wanted me to talk to her. This kind of scared me. I don’t have a phone right now so it didn’t matter.

Love is potentially over.

                              LOVE IS OVER!
Love is over? That is the perfect title for this entry!
So you know how I was suppose to hang out with Taylor this weekend and hopefully get the buns? None of that happened. She couldn't hangout this weekend, so I did the next best thing! Got high and Replayed Catherine! Such a great game. I don’t really like puzzle games but that once is perfect for me. I slide blocks around in my sleep. So I beat it in about ten hours. The story is fun, has few surprising twists. It had a way of keeping me on my toes. I really hope Persona 5 is more like it. There is a lot more anime scenes in this than persona 5. I’d assume it will be a lot like Catherine seeing how that is the persona teams only work on current gen consoles.
Also, Sara is moving again. This time seems to be for real. Part of me feels like it is a shame. But I’m handling it well. I don’t mind.
Right now I’m just burning time before I go smoke another bowl in the shower. On friday I hung out with brad and got stoned and played video games. His brother Zach had stolen like five grams from someone dealer. And then I bought a 20 that was hooked up fat. They rolled a blunt and I matched them a bowl. We all got so fucking stoned. The problem? I had to go home three games of Star Wars Battlefront 2 later. I was way too stoned to be driving. I’m lucky nothing happened with that much ice on the road, it was also very dark. I’ve never had a problem with driving while high, I always found it enjoyable, but I was just straight up too high.
Next I think I might go watch Evil dead? But I think I have it in me to do some editing. Playing Catherine is like flossing for your brain. It wakes me up and gets me thinking. I’m surprised that they have not made an anime off of it. Now I know it could be hard seeing how there are multiple endings. But there has got to be a cannon ending!

"I LOVE YOU MANNN!"

Good news! followed by some drunken crying. It is not embarrassing because I don’t remember it. Also Retro City Rampage is some good fun! It made me nostalgia a tad and it also made me laugh.
Thursday- War all the time
So yes starting with the good news, I finished! The perfect woman is finished! The writing part at least. It took me awhile to finish but I’m semi happy with it. Now it needs some editing done. Most of the beginning is edited for spelling and grammar. This read through I’m on right now is primarily checking for flow and making sure the narrative is all active. Next I’ll go through and be a real nazi about spelling and grammar. I’m ready to move on with my life. When I finish I’m showing everyone.
So about the drunkenness, I don’t think I knew I was crying. I really blacked out. But I need to start from the beginning.
Mom and dad went out of town for the weekend. So that friday Brad, Matt and the entire Lindsay group came over. We smoked a blunt and a bowl and shot the shit before they left. We had a bottle of whiskey, nice whiskey too. Freaking Matt took 15 shots and was useless. He could not walk talk or think. He was not very fun. And I honestly don’t even really remember talking to Brad. All I remember is talking to my sister? It was a really weird night. I would write about it more, but that is the worst I’ve ever blacked out. I can even remember the blacking out looming over me.
I did just remember something though. Taylor started conversation with me. Luckily I did not say anything stupid, I did through a good compliment her way, but it was natural and went well. And apparently she likes the way I dress? That does not suprise me for I normally wear all black, and she is emo like. I’m installing google drive right no so I can hope that it decreases the amount of stalling this shit does.
I’m continuing from last night in study lab. Though Michael Schimmels is glancing over at my screen and it is making me uncomfortable. But I’ll try my best!
So saturday was abbeys night to party. Though Zach, Matt and connor came over and chilled for a while. And a game of hide and go seek broke out!
Anyways there was boys there drinking. And there where these two fuckers that I wanted to kill. When they arrive they immediately started putting our nice chairs on the table? Abbey thinks this weird and starts taking them down when one knocks over. I go and start yelling at those four jack asses. They all looked scared and did not know what to do. Fucking morons. I took my buddies home and when I came back they did not have a ride home and wanted to sleep over. I was not going to allow it. So I got on them about finding a ride home. Fucking morons.
Most people leave so it’s just the Cocksuckers and my sisters friends.
But soon a group of guys cames with a bottle of vodka. The one kids proceeds to immediately get hammered. I mean he was taking massive swigs constantly. He must of drank half of that bottle. when he started talking about how he is not even that drunk. So I said
“In ten minutes you are going to be unable to walk.”
He just laughed it off like it was all OK.
Of course I was right. He was trashed, saying really embarrassing things.
At this point it was about 1:30 and the douchebags still had no ride(They fucking live in meridian.)
So they gave me gas money and I gave them a ride home. It was about an hour both ways.
Upon arriving back everyone is chilling. But that one kid is stupidly drunk. I even asked if he had drank more once I left, he hadn’t. He was rolling around on the floor, trying to slide like a penguin. I was embarrassed for him. He even told me he loved me, I doubt he remembers me.
We cleaned up and my parents don’t know about the parties.

I’m always a tad wary about writing the bad things I do here. I’m worried I’ll die(or my parents start feeling nosy) and they will read these. That would be bad. There are a few entries that I wrote while high but I was to sketched out to say so. TRY AND FIGURE OUT! YAY!

I’m excited to have finished the perfect woman, now I can move on with my life. I wish I knew what I know now when I started writing it. But it will help me in  my next effort. I’ll be taking a short break before starting another one. I’m buying a bag soon, so I’ll use that time to recharge creatively and come up with a good idea. I might revisit my story about the schizo author.

Heinshen a go go baby!

Chirstmas break is over. I got really high and beat bioshock 2, watched anime. Zack and bailey broke and I got drunk with Sara.
I have not wrote for a while and do not feel like doing a full blown catch up. I didn’t finish the last two I started. I might not finish this one I’m faded, tired and wanting to smoke the rest of my weed.
So for Christmas I got 50 bucks, a stero for my car, a book about imagineers and a video game. I’m disappointed with the christmas in both spirit and Presents. But that is not what I want to talk about right now.
So after christmas I had some money, so I bought three months of playstation plus and a dub. Bioshock two came free with it. So I spent the next two days getting stoned and playing through it. And it was a fantastic experience. Bioshock is a very atmospheric game. It can get really tense. By playing on hard difficulty it forced me to analyze every situation before I went running guns/drill blazing. And the atmosphere comes from how interesting of a place Rapture is. It it a strange and mysterious place. Every room has a story. I often found myself sneaking into rooms so I could watch and see what the enemies are doing. Just by looking around I was able to deduce what grizzly and depressing had happened.
I’m going to get with nitty gritty right now. I’ll talk bull shit later. I’m feeling lazy.
Zach and Bailey broke up. I’m not sure how much your remember about those two. They had been going out for three years when Zach decided he was over it and out of it. Though I was mindfucked that he would do so(I always assumed she would dump him honestly). She cried and threatened to kill herself and what not. But I approve of zachs decision. Why would he want to be in a relationship with a girl that is mediocre in both looks and personality for his entire teen life? But there is a more interesting point that I wanted to get too. He is already in another relationship. So weird! Not even 20 hours later and he has moved on. He was even saying Baylee was a bitch at the New Years Party. How could he not still love her in anyway? I find the entire situation hard/not worth grasping. You would think that he would want to go spend some time single. but he goes straight into another one. I assume that Zach will push this relationship really fast. I was discussing it with Matt over some cigarettes and raised an interesting point, zach does not have a father figure in his life. So is he over compensating for this by being in a relationship?
And another thing! She has sent me about seven messages since they broke up. What does she want?!?! She could want my dick(I certainly don't want this.). Maybe she got deluded into thinking I’m a good shoulder to cry on. I pondered all of these, some more than others. But I think I figured out why, she is trying to make sure she is still friends with everyone in the group, because she knows everybody will pick Zach over her. I do like baylee. We talk about writing and what not. I mean besides Zach and secret I was better friends with her than the rest. But I’d much rather eat lunch with Zach, he is alot funnier than her.

So about the drinking with sara business I alluded to earlier, I drank because she was there. You see, when I get too high I’m not good for conversation. Sad fact of life. So I compensated by drinking. In total I drank five beers, half a Four Loko's and a questionable amount of vodka. Also I was stoned and just in general in an awesome mood. I didn’t say anything socially awkward and I only took my pants off once. But it was a well done pants off. It was in context. Sara was kinda being a dick. Just making snide remarks at everyone. She even said

“Sometimes when you talk Cayden It just goes right over my head and I quit listening”

Mom says that alot. I need to gain control of my digression during any conversation

I GOT A FAST MIND BABY!

I’m going to go watch School rumble.

Keep your lights on don’t sit too close to the TV

That Ditzy school comedy School rumble!

THERE IS SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU! BUT’S FAR TOO HEAVY!

Also I’m listening too nostalgia music.

Fireworks

Taking back sunday

Thursday

Drunk on Christmas eve i guess.

Tomorrow is christmas eve and I’m drunk, listening to Blonde Redhead and using the headphones that secret gave me. Also I went to Shauna Hills funeral yesterday. I’ll try to explain it all. But I maybe too drunk and I might go straight to writing my short story. Or I may go straight to bed because it is late. Also I have been watching alot of It’s is always sunny in philadelphia.
I’m listening to a french Blonde Redhead album. Excuse me as I get some wine(This is a play on the Jimmy hendrix quote ”Excuse me as I kiss the sky” I was planning on saying this was a play on something else, but I forgot)
I’m listening to Superheroes crashes by OMR. It is freaking awesome and I’m enjoying it.
This writing is inspired the Ernest Hemingway quote
“Write drunk; edit sober”
Yesterday, my lunch group had our christmas party. The point was to distribute our christmas presents from our secret santa business. I could list who attended, but who did not attend is more important for the overall story, But I won’t list them now, I’ll get to that later. Don’t ruin my pace. I’m trying not to fall asleep. I wonder if I’ll remember what I wrote tomorrow. I’m pretty drunk. I can’t tell if my pace is going slow or I’m just assuming I’m going slow because I’m drunk. And I did get wine, that isn’t bull shit. I’m going to drink some before I write the next paragraph. Getting some wine was not some bull shit excuse to use a litterary device, I’m confident I spelt that wrong, thank god I have auto correct.
I did not write about it surprisingly, but Shauna Hill got in a car accident. I do not know why I did not write about it. It has been bothering me. She was driving with this annoying kid Devyn morris and they  got hit on the way to secrets house. devyn got out of it with nothing more than a concussion She was put into a medically induced coma. This bothered everyone(including me) for two reasons. This was a classmate just like us, we attended the same school, had the same friends. She was just like us. That could've easily of been me, But it wasn't me, it was Shauna Hill. Secondly, she was extremely nice. She really was a great person. One morning freshman year when I was on the bus I got in a dispute with this kid Goose, I kind of deserved it because he  did not know that I was being only a little bit playful(I won't go into the minor details and backstory, this is about Shauna.) But the way it came off he was being a complete ass hole. He dominated everything, I could barely manage to say anything. When she stepped in and told him to lay off of me, he did. I did not thank her because I was far too humbled to say anything. And now I never will.
The point is she was a very nice person. She was never extremely popular but nobody would never say anything negative about her because she was so nice.
I need to go grab a jacket for I am getting cold and drink some more wine. I’ll finish with my emotional piece afterwards.
Sometimes I’ll run words through my head to make sure I know how to spell them. Most recently it was ‘messiah’. I have a bad case of the hiccups, but only when I think about it.
Everyone was extremely sad to find out that she was in a bad Car crash. Since I had never met her I was more confused than anything else. The first thing that came out of her being in the hospital was she was fine. Though she was in critical condition, she would ultimately be fine. Hearing this I put it out of my head. Boy, was I naive.
About a week later, I had put it out of my head. I had heard she would be fine. Why should I argue, or even question. I had hardly thought about it.
Near the  end of second period I heard an announcement
“All teachers, please come to the library after second period.”
My first thought was that she had died. I did not put much thought into it. why should I?
Once the class ended I walked past multiple crying girls, why were they crying? I had not immediately deduced that she had definitely died. How could I have not off?
I sat down at the lunch table, only Secret was there. I asked her about the crying girls, her response was just
“I don’t know, bitches being bitches”
Britney then showed up. We asked her but she did not know. Through further talking we came to the conclusion that Shauna had died. There was no way to be sure but that was the most logical conclusion, We seized the talking when a crying Brandy box told Britney that shauna really was dead. This brought about  a string of shock through all of us. It was the same feeling that I felt when Camden Christensen died in third grade.
“I can’t believe their dead.”
“That could of been me”
“That should of been me”
To be continued after I sleep, I’m exhausted,

Paging Dr.Tenma

I’m going to try and write a journal entry but I might be too tired to get a proper one out. lets wait and see
Song: Portishead-seven months
So I might have pinkeye? My eye was getting extremely red. And I mean extremely red,only my right eye. And the nurse told me I have pinkeye, but mom says I probably don’t. I don’t really care, it just makes me look something crazy.
So after I wrote out that last entry I made alot of progress on my story. I’m no longer interested in typing out the full name.
So there is this girl name Greta that is a total hard body. Her ass could sink a ship. If she was to sit on your face you would have the most awesome death ever. She is freaking sexy. But I never really talk to her that much. I talked to her for a few hours freshman year with Connor and Matt, I even got her number. I never hit her up, I should of though.
Fast forward to this summer, I was at Connors smoking some hookah and getting stoned. And a bunch of her friends arrived. They are all very attractive. And I’m not the most social person when I’m high. But she sat next to me on the bench thing around the fire. It is not one of those “she sat by me” moments. That seat just happened to be open, I’m not going to flatter myself. I handed her the hookah hose when she told she had never done it before. I taught her how to. We chewed the beef a little bit, nothing more. But she was really friendly. She addressed me by name and asked for instructions. I guess that is a pretty good sign.
This is going somewhere, I’m not just being creepy. Though it is kind of creepy. But she is really hot.
Fast forward today. I’m walking up the stairs after lunch eating an orange. It was a really good orange. Oranges probably are my favorite fruit.
“Digression!”
I’m going to start calling myself out when I digress really bad, because I tend to do it alot.
But anyways, I’m eating the orange when I feel someone hit the back of my foot. I look over my shoulder and see it is her. I turn back around and it happens again. Then she says.
“Are you eating oranges?”
This kind of took me back, but I fucking rolled with it.
“Yes, I’m enjoying an orange.”
she replies
“Yeah you smelt really good, I love the smell of oranges”
I then held it out offering her some, which she turned down. We then made small talk about oranges before. I waited off the stairs and started walking with her. It was really spontaneous. But I got to my class really fast and exited the conversation. I don’t know if I said goodbye or not, I hope I did. Damn, I’m socially retarded. In hindsight I should've kept walking with her past my class. I don’t know If I’ll get that chance again. If I do I won't hesitate to seize the day. Carpe Diem

Song: katalyst- whose reality
I finished reading all of bakuman and I gotta say, It was fantastic. Assuming this is you, Cayden Oliver Mcknight, read it again. Also read the other works by Tsugumi Ohba. At this point in time he has only released this and death note, and I loved death note.
Bakuman often left me feeling inspired. The two main characters were always working hard at improving their skills. It usually left me working on my own pieces. And I want to read perfect crime party and reversi really bad.
The mangas I’m reading now are monster and 20th century boys. Both done by the same writer. And they are fantastic mystery suspense pieces. I’ll write more later, but I want to read monster right now!
I’m back the next day, and I want to talk about Monster.
I’ve read the first 35 chapters since I started reading it yesterday, I’ve had a problem putting it down. In case you don’t remember, here is a brief plot synopsis

Dr. Tenma is known as one of the best surgeons in germany, if not the world. He is dating the hospital directors daughter who both constantly use him. One night he is called into to work on a little boy who was shot in the head. Both of his parents were found dead and his sister though unharmed, was in a state of shock. But right before he gets ready to work on the boy, he gets an order from the director to operate on the mayer who just had a stroke. Dr. Tenma is faced with an intense moral dilemma, Work on the mayer like order, or save the little boys life? He decides to work on the little boy, not only jeopardizing his career, but ultimately his life.
The director in rage, promised him that he would never be able to work his way up in the hospital, even taking his promotion away from him. This causes his fiance to leave him. But suddenly the director and the man who replaced him die from poisoning.
Ten years later a string of serial killings are breaking out. The target, middle aged couples without children. Dr. Tenma soons finds out that the killer is Johan, the boy he saved.
When Dr. Tenma is accused of all the murders he goes on the run to get revenge on Johan.

I’m interested to see where it goes. I want to attempt reviewing it. One criticism that
I have so far is that almost every man in it has had their wife leave them. I’ll probably have more once i get farther into it.
I’m trying to get more critical of film and books and manga. When I’m playing video games, I can tear them apart. Steambot Chronicles, a game I really love for example. I have a massive list of things it does wrong. And I can find way more. But with movies, good movies mainly. When I watch a film I like I can’t think critically of it. It has a different effect on me. Even when a game is fantastically made I can still find a good amount of flaws. I wonder if that is problem within me or it is a difference within the mediums.
I mean from a strictly technical standpoint games have more that they can do wrong. And I feel like you are more actively liking or disliking games.