Journal entry crying about sara SEPTEMBER 20, 2011

Well here i am, Drinking my good night tea waiting for the Valerian to kick in so i can sleep. High and dry by radiohead sets the mood. How else am i suppose to deal with depression? As the title would suggest i feel emotionally defeated.
          There is this girl and she is in my opinion the most incredible woman i have ever met. She is funny, beautiful and unique.  And sometimes she implies she might like me. To say the least she is a flake. For a while she will constantly text me and sometimes want to hangout. But then out of nowhere its like she has had enough of me. She will stop talking to me and give me the cold shoulder as if i did something wrong. Now im use to getting lead on but this is different. I fucking love her.ill admit it. Even when she pisses me off i still have a hard time saying anything negative about her.
            Homecoming is coming up. And that is a time that makes me feel like a lonely loser. All the tools have lovely date set for the night but all i have is some weed. Sure school dances are terrible, Over crowded hot gyms full of people i dont like, blasting music i dont like. But its the perfect time to get a girlfriend. Girls start lowering there standards.
              So after talking to this girl for a while about it she made it sound like she wanted to go with me. And very anxiously the next day at school i asked her if she would like to go. She said she would go if she could find a dress. Instantly my spirit was crushed. I had to force myself to ask her and she gives that as a answer? if she can find a dress is fucking bullshit.  She may as well say "no i dont want to go,but i dont want to hurt you ether". That happened last Tuesday over a week later she hasn't said anything to me.  Its one thing to deny me after leading me to believe i had a chance. But this is just fucking rude. I can take it as an obvious no. But she should at least have the heart to give me a definite answer. She is a cruel woman. And the sad part is next time she talks to me i will act like this didn't even happen. I do it to myself.