beginning of semester journal 1/26/12

listening to: Head over heels by by tears for fears.(one of the greatest songs of all time)
I tend to avoid writing unless i have something to say. Because when i have nothing to say my lips are sealed.sorry... But if i am ever going to approve my writing skills i need to practice. I have been getting rides to school allowing me to sleep in later and have more time to get ready in the morning. I make some loose tea. And watch my morning cartoons(cartoons are good for the soul.fuck anyone who says otherwise) And it really has a positive impact on my day.
         I get rides with a kid named austin. Our parents are really good friends even though we have never got on overly well. We are completely different people. I am an abstract individual and he is concrete. I wouldn't consider him a smart person. He gets good grades but hes not a thoughtful person. He never questions anything or evaluates anything. He has piss poor social skills. He does not know how to act around woman. He knows how to talk to them but he doesn't understand bounderys. He is very touchy with girls he hardly knows. And alot of people take it the wrong way. I have a respect for him that no one can understand.
           Today was a depressing day. Nothing happened i was just sad. One of my main problems is that i'll talk myself into depression. I thought about how lonely i am and how im getting desperate for a girlfriend. For the most part i have quit going on facebook because it makes me feel depressed.
    Something interesting did happen though. Sara(the one i had the whole homecoming shit happened with) was being odd today in third period. She came up to me and my friend brad telling us how interesting we are. Then out of nowhere turned on us and was very rude. I wish i could convince myself thats because she likes me and is hiding it from herself. But i am no longer a fool like that. And actually i would prefer that she is mean to me instead of nice. Then i cant get it in my head that their will ever be nothing more between us then awkwardness. I mean sure i still like her. And i dont know if i will ever get over her. She is a horrible woman who has hurt me many times. But damn she is sexy. Her body is top notch. Very skinny but still retains some curves. She has long legs that are perfectly shaped. Her face is stunning. She has these nice plump lips and a face thats perfectly shaped. She has a natural paleness to her body that i am very attracted to. But its not her body that attracts me to her. Its her personality. She is funny with out it being forced or annoying. She has an attitude to her that is very simmilar to mine. She interests me. Fuck her!
    im currently listening to everyday is like sunday by morrissey. I  feel very comforted listening to morrissey/smiths. The lyrics are dark but not in a way that its obvious that hes trying to be edgy. His voice is very drawn back but perfected. The way he holds his notes is just incredible.  The song meat is murder confirms my thoughts that ill never eat meat again.
I sit next to a very attractive girl in my science class. She is asian and has gauges. She is small but well formed. She is funny and is different. The main reason i feel any sort of attraction towards her is because she picked up on  a la dispute quote.
I really wanna fuck my math teacher.
a boy can dream.
I have started reading girl with the dragon tattoo. its pretty good so far.
thats all i have to talk about now. And my hands are starting to hurt from typing.