So yesterday I went to a party. Not a big drinking party or anything. Just a small group of friends celebrating a birthday. There was about ten people total. I Had an okay relationship with one of the guys there. We would talk occasionally and shared mutual interests. But that's about it. The one girl promise I'm pretty good friends with. I can hold conversations with her but they never have any depth. I think that's more of her intellect than anything. It was the birthday girl Danielle that I'm good friends with. I adore Danielle. I mean i don't like her or anything but i find her interesting and enjoy talking to her. Then there was one other guy and all the rest where girls i didn't know.
Going to the party I knew that there was going to be a lot girls there so naturally i did some mental prep. Now I'm going to be honest. I have been getting a tad desperate lately for a girlfriend. And i don't mean for sex but an relationship. So i was telling myself. Just act normal. Don't be afraid to crack some jokes(just think them through first). Just act normal.
So I arrive at the party right on time. When i enter I'm slightly nervous so i start acting goofy as a defense. But only for a moment. I manage to gain composure surprisingly well. We all hangout for a little. I eat my salad in silence kinda away from the group. When i notice that I'm being anti-social I attempt to join conversation. I move closer to the group and try to make and attempt at paying attention to their conversation. But before long I'm lost in thought. One of my main problems is my thoughts entertain myself allot more than most conversations around me.
So once more people start to come we migrate to the living room. Good i thought this is a much more open place giving me the chance to be more social. As i sit on the couch i make small talk with promise and then talk about some foreign candy with Doug and his friend. But i have hardly made an attempt To talk to any of the girls I didn't already know. A girl sits next to me and this excites me. Not the fact that she is sitting next to me, Just the fact i ether have to introduce myself or look awkward. And i refuse to take the latter. I look at her and smile. I introduce myself and we go in to an awkward hand shake. But instead of it being awkward we laugh at how retarded it is. Her friend comes and joins the conversation and we talk for about fifteen minutes. The conversation goes dry and ends. I'm okay with this, Nether of them made for interesting conversation. At this point I'm at speaking terms with everyone there for the most part.
Then i notice a girl. And i was over took with her beauty. I hate to sound cheesy but she really was attractive. When ever a girl has this affect on me i have trouble making conversation. And allot of the times i end up sounding like an idiot and even stuttering a little, sometimes i offend them. She comes and sits next to me( I picked a great seat). And before i know It we are in conversation. I find out her name is Taylor(I have heard people say pleasant things about her) But then it abruptly ends and she leaves. I sit there enjoying my salad Intel she comes back. She instantly greats me as best friend. This concerns me. In my brief time spent pursuing the opposite sex I have learned that this is NEVER a good thing. This is like being sentenced to the friend zone. And their is little to no ways to combat the friend zone. You can ether try hard to turn it into something more, you have to act swiftly though. And pray your looks and social skills keeps up with this. Or you have to take the ass hole approach. And that's risky business.
I don't have time to form a plan to stop this so I just go with it. I might be able to form a plan later. But i spent most of the night talking to her. At one point it was obvious she was annoyed at me and quit listening to me. So i talked to someone else for a while.
After a while she starts conversation with me again. This time she is slightly more hostile but i find this better than what was previously going on. For some reason i put my arm around her. It must of had something to do with the conversation and i did this for no more of a reason then just to see how she would react. She seems surprised at first by this and shoots me a look it was angry or happy about this. But then she sits there with a pouting look after this. I am still not sure what to think of this. For the rest of the night she was a tad touchy with me. But not sexual touching. She would ether tickle me(not full blown rape tickle though) or put her feet on me stuff along those sorta lines. I don't know what my plans are for closure. Its going to be a pain to find time to talk to her again because i never see her. But I'm going to do something.
Later we started playing rock band. I don't play the game allot but the fact of matter is I love music. Mainly the emotion of it. I love listening to a song and being able to her the emotion of the singer. The pain in there voice. That's why bands such as the smiths, la dispute and bayside speak to me so much. They are pain. I also love a good front man. You cant watch a doors live performance and say that Jim Morrison isn't an incredible front man. And when i saw love me two times on there i just had to do my Jim Morrison impersonation. And i got into humping the air, kicking jumping up and down, I even ended it laying on my back. I later did rebel yell by billy idol but felt like a fool shortly after.
It was good that I left the party when i did though. I was starting to act really werid. Talking about how much i love scaring people and making some off colored jokes. In those five minutes i really undid all the effort I made on Taylor. At-least i think so. Hopefully they understood i was just kidding. I can just be really convincing. I'm a fairly good actor. I just get to comfortable.
I wasn't planning on talking about the night like this. Originally i was just going to use it as a transition into my next rant. How i decided i work socially. But I'm really not in the mood anymore and I'm starting to get writers block. So ill save it for another tim
