started replaying through persona 4 again. I love those games to no end. The persona series has quickly became one of my favorite things in the universe. If I’m ever depressed, all I need is persona 4’s title song to pick me up. It is not the gameplay that makes me love them. Or even the story for that matter(Though those games do showcase fantastic story telling). It is the charecters. I can honestly say I consider the cast from those games my friends. I hold no delusions of them being real. It is more like a love that you know will never happen. The story of my life. But I wish for nothing more to talk, to hug aigis and tell her that she is human. Her beautiful blonde hair. She understands humanity better than I do. Yukiko is my love. I prefer aigis to her, but aigis is an android. Yukiko has such refined features, and a gentle voice. No one understand her better than chie and the protagonist. I wish to spend my days shopping with Ai and the nights watching kung-fu movies with chie. Yosuke would be my best friend. I love the cast in all of those games. And I’ll always think of them as close friends. And until Persona 5 comes out I’ll just keep thinking of persona 3 and four.
When you fall, get right back up!That whole rant makes me sound like a really big nerd. But I’m not a nerd. I need something to hold on to.
Yesterday I had a lovely conversation with my darling Edith. She seemed depressed. It appears she was recently dumped. Who ever even had the option to dump her is a lucky and stupid bastard. She is all around a fantastic person, Not to mention beautiful. But I feel like the relationship I have with her will ultimately make me depressed. She always tells me how much she loves me, even going as far as to calling me her soul mate. Now I would like nothing more to be in a commited relationship with her. But I feel as if she does not take me seriously in that way. And most of my other relationships with girls have been that way. I can't tell if she is flirting or just being friendly. So I’m trying to find a perfect medium for responding. One where I can make it serious if it goes that way. But if it goes the other way being able to play it off. I don't do a very good job handling that pressure. In person I can do a better job, because I don't have time to think. But when I’m texting I have all the time in the world. so I find a way to screw it up.
For example, When she told me she thinks I’m her soul mate I did a poor job.Just like I did a poor job with that sentence. But I responded with a joke about how when I first met her I thought “either she was going to end up with me, or getting a restraining order on me.” Now this was in the level where I can play it off while still being flirty to some degree. But it just wasn't serious enough. I need to be more serious if I want to be taken seriously. I don’t know how she took it, for I don’t understand women. I think this relationship will be cancerous towards my mental health ultimately. I do not think she thinks of me as a serious suitor. But the way we always refer to each other as love, darling and other affectionate names will keep my hopes up. For a lack of a better term, I think I might be in the friend zone. I’m planning on texting her tomorrow. Being a little bit more flirty, and dare I say confident. But if she is in a bad move I will probably spend the day trying to make her feel better. Which will stick me deeper in the ‘friend zone’. Fuck I hate my life. This got me thinking. About my damaged love life. I think the most fulfilling relationship I had was with sara. Though she broke my heart and stuck my ego at nonexistent levels, She took me seriously. We flirted, talked about liking each other and she even came and watched horror movies in my bed with me. Multiple times she got my hopes up just to destroy them shortly after. But I somehow feel she has minor lingering feelings for me. Not as much as I, but she never liked me as much as I liked her. I remember one time freshmen year she texted me and said even though we quit talking she still liked me more than everyone else. Whenever we are around each other there is just a strange air. Like she knows I loathe/love her. I said it once and I’ll say it again, I doubt I’ll ever get completely over her. I mean once I found out she was moving it got easier to push her out of my mind. But now it appears that she isnt? It is kind of a mystery. I also heard she might go to asia for a few months for modeling. Shit is fucking weird. How the hell did I get involved with a model. But it doesn't surprise me. I think me and sara will have another fling at some point again. Even though there has been nothing between us since the whole homecoming incident. I just need someone, someone a person to talk to.
There was a third thing that i was planning on talking about. But I cant recall what. This was an enjoyable writing session. Very helpful. I think you expect another update tomorrow. I might text sara to see what the deal is with her moving. It is more to start conversation than anything. So unless she doesn't respond or only does a few texts(she is known to do that, well at least with me) this conversation has the possibility of being fruitful.
